A brief guide to coping with birthday’s over the age of 29

I don’t want to discriminate, and I know everyone’s experience is different but let’s face it everything up to 29 is fine. Your childhood birthdays are like magic, counting down the days to celebrate your day with all your friends and a lot of cake. And then you get to your 20’s and whilst there is some anxiety usually it is a chance to do pretty much the same thing you have always done. 

And then you hit 29 and your life measure switches. And instead of getting excited about the advancing age it’s more like ‘fuck me I am in this race where apparently to win you need to be young, successful and have all of these things’. And not only do I not have the things, I am getting older… ergh. Running races which, you literally can’t win is not my thing.  

So, fuck that race. Let’s approach birthdays differently. 

Step one: Don’t panic. The first rule of growing up is not to Panic. Panic like all other emotions leads to wrinkles and we don’t want that. 

Step Two: Employ a daily ritual of face massage to deal with wrinkles that you have from having far too many feelings about everything all of the time and also the panic that you did even though step one explicitly told you not to. But you’re a rebel so… 

Step Three: Get the worlds definition of success and rip it up. Because you are a deep and well-rounded human that knows a Pinterest perfect life is not real, just social media. 

Step Four: Now you need a new vision of success: decide to write your own. Even if nobody else agrees with it. Because despite your deep desire to be liked and validated by everyone, at the end of the day you know it’s what you think about you that counts. 

Step Five: With your new measure of success in place – celebrate your wins (preferably with other people around you) and recognise that even though time is passing you are using at least some of it on things that matter to you 

Step Six: Distract yourself from the inevitable anxiety that isn’t quite counteracted with all the steps above by doing fun things with people you love. Do that for as long as you want to, because no one else is the boss but you. 

Step Seven: Make a cake, or eat a cake, share a cake with people you love, or just look at a cake. But the point is cake. All cake counts. But you’re a grown up now so you can choose for yourself (there you go you rebel 😉, I couldn’t be prouder).