Measuring Growth
I think one of my favourite things about growing up is taking a moment to draw a little line on the wall and see how far you have grown.
In the spirit of that this time of year is always a great moment to take a breath and reflect on how you have grown this year. Every year I come back to this list of questions and slowly work my way through them capturing and reflecting on what has been so powerful. Now usually I avoid asking myself too many questions as it can lead to overanalysis. But seeing as it’s the end of the year it felt like the right moment to treat myself.
There are a lot of questions here – you don’t have to do them all. Pick your favourite 10 and go for it. Or work through them in whatever way suits you best and enjoy celebrating the moments that have made your year and recognising how much you have grown!
QUESTIONS – LOOKING BACK:
What one event, big or small,would you tell future generations about?
If you had to describe your 2022 in 3 words, what would they be?
What new things did you discover about yourself?
What single achievement are you most proud of?
What made you feel most playful?
What was your favourite place that you visited in 2022?
Which of your personal qualities turned out to be the most helpful this year?
Who was your number one go-to person that you could always rely on?
Which new skills did you learn?
What, or who, are you most thankful for?
If someone wrote a book about your life in 2022, what kind of genre would it be? A comedy, love story, drama, film noir or something else?
What was the most important lesson you learnt in 2022?
Which mental block(s) did you overcome?
What 5 people did you most enjoy spending time with?
What was your biggest break-through moment career-wise?
How did your relationship to your friends/family evolve?
What book, podcast, movie affected your life in a profound way?
What was your favourite compliment that you received this year?
What little things did you most enjoy during your day-to-day life?
What cool things did you create this year?
What was your most common mental state this year (e.g. excited, curious, stressed)?
Was there anything you did for the very first time in your life this year?
What was your favourite moment spent with your friends?
What major goal did you lay the foundations for?
Which worries turned out to be completely unnecessary?
What experience would you love to do all over again?
What was the best gift you received?
How did your overall outlook on life evolve?
What was the biggest problem you solved?
What was the funniest moment of your year, one that still makes it hard not to burst out laughing when you think about it?
What purchase turned out to be the best decision ever?
What one thing would you do differently and why?
What do you deserve a pat on the back for?
What activities made you lose track of time?
What did you think about more than anything else?
What topics did you most enjoy learning about?
What new habits did you cultivate?
What advice would you give your early-2022 self if you could?
Did any parts of yourself or your life change a lot this year?
What or who had the biggest positive impact on your life this year?
LOOKING FORWARD
What do you want the overarching theme for next year to be?
What do you want to see, discover, explore?
Who do you want to spend more time with next year?
What skills do you want to learn, improve or master?
Which personal quality do you want to develop or strengthen?
What do you want your everyday life to be like?
Which habits do you want to change, cultivate or get rid of?
What do you want to achieve career-wise?
How do you want to remember the year 2023 when you look back on it 10/20/50 years from now?
What is your number one goal for 2023?
When you don’t feel creative… Three tips to light your creative fire.
I often hear the phrase ‘I’m not creative like you’ from people. And usually I think one of two things.
Firstly – you are. Everyone is creative and we need to remind ourselves of this
And then secondly – I am not that creative. Because usually in that moment I am quite tired and not sure what ideas I have and like most people feel slightly anxious about my capability especially when it comes to ‘creativity’. It is this mythical thing. We make it special and it is. But special doesn’t mean it is elitist. It is not for some people and not for others.
If you have a creative spark it is for you. So if you are feeling a little like me at the end of year either losing your creative spark to the general tiredness that tends to come up around this time of year, or you’re thinking I am not creative here are a few thoughts on re-sparking that creative fire.
It’s winter after all and there is an energy crisis so lighting our own fires might not be such a bad route (NB: unfortunately creativity probably won’t heat your house :( - Although imagine if it did!)
3 ways to spark your creative fire
1. Set yourself a creative project that you can repeat – try for a month to do the same action every week. This year I made postcards every Sunday for 3 months and it was a great way to get me being more playful and open up my creative mind. So, pick an idea of something you can do or try – maybe it’s going for a walk, maybe it’s drawing something, modelling something, cooking something, composing something, dancing to a certain song, coding something, building something. You get the idea. Find an idea that excites you and go for that.
2. Enjoy the work of others – other people’s creativity is super inspiring. So, send yourself in on a mini discovery hunt. Search on the Internet, listen to discovery playlists, go to the library/bookshop and visit a section you wouldn’t usually go to. Go into a shop you usually wouldn’t or even a coffeeshop. Anything for fresh perspective and discovery of new things and hopefully some new peoples work
3. Create a start to the day that helps you feel playful and creative – for me I realise burnout is a real thing and sleep is basically the best set up for my day after. But after that there are hundreds of small things you can sneak into your morning before you begin your day to spark that creative fire. And small daily actions build up a bonfire of creativity in no time. Want some ideas? – Try adding in daily journaling or morning pages, start the day with some sort of movement that makes you smile – maybe dancing, cartwheeling, balancing on one foot at a time. Read a poem every morning whilst you are making your coffee or tea. Stare at a painting, poster that you love for 1 min and just enjoy it.
These are all small things. But I am starting to realise that at least for me smaller is better. It’s do-able and in an overwhelming world with competing priorities do-able is magic.
So I guess I am asking? Do you feel creative? And if not what are you going to do to go and light that creative spark?
If you want some more creative ideas or play projects to get you started check out my book - Living a Creative Life - Everyday Play. Hopefully it will help you keep that creative fire burning bright. 🔥
Poco a Poco - A guide to going small and enjoying it
A few weeks ago, I started thinking about how so much of the time we believe that we have to go for the big thing for it to be worthwhile. But what if going small bought us just us much joy and still made a difference in the world. So here is a mini illustrated guide to what could be nice about going small and slow. Enjoy!
The Constraints of Play
“There is a wall there” … if you are a Emperor’s New Groove fan hopefully you read this with the voice of Kronk in your head. If you didn’t well I strongly suggest/ urge you to invest a portion of your week in watching that film and enjoy the playful spirit of Kronk who might encapsulate playfulness in many ways.
The point of this article though, is not Kronk, (I know what??), but the wall.
Because when you wake up and say “I am going to be more playful today and I want more light and fun in my day”all great. But what happens. How do you turn ‘ I want to be more playful today’ into actual playfulness?
Whilst exploring all the ideas in the world for ‘Everyday Play’. I hit up time and time again against the benefits of constraint. Those tiny little canvas edges or boundaries of ‘how things are done’ type rules’ (Or let’s face it hours I have in my day). And it got me thinking about the role they play in play.
Because the sentence – “you can do anything, just play” is the least inspiring, scariest thing you can hear. I think mostly what happens is our five-year-old self that was bounding out for play time is suddenly stopped in our tracks by whoever our adult self-policing part is and is like woa woa woa. Let’s stop right there bud this looks dangerous. There is a catch there. I like to name my self policing adulting self, at the moment I think she is an Angela. And Angela is ok, but do you know what mostly I am like ‘Fuck off Angela it was play time until you waltzed in here with your worries.’
So, how do we get ourselves out to play without Angela seeing? Simple. Put a giant fucking wall up. Firstly, so Angela can’t see in (That’s right Angela it’s none of your business). And secondly so that it feels safe for our 5-year-old self to run around in. It creates the playground. Because all of sudden when the challenge isn’t ‘you can do anything’ but instead ‘you can do anything that starts with the letter c or anything that is inspired by the Disney classic ‘Emperor’s New Groove’ or anything with a colour palate of blue. Then all of a sudden instead of nothingness in too much space we have possibility jumping off the walls of our imaginary playground. And personally, I can’t think of anything better.
Sold on the idea of boundaries? Great. How do you add them in to create more play?
Pick yourself a theme for the week (could be based on an idea you already have or use a random word generator to find something) and see how you can bring it to life more this week
Pick one activity in your day you want to make more playful (commuting to work (even if you commute to your living room), making breakfast, cleaning your teeth) and hack that
Pick up a white piece of paper and fill it with fun, whatever you want. Your call. See what you do.
Because very occasionally a wall is a good thing – when it becomes a canvas for creation.
Why Play?
Play gets a bad rep. Or actually let’s be honest, it get’s very little rep at all once you leave the world of play groups and playtime. It’s all “open this bill”, “make a decision on that thing”, “figure out what you should be doing with your life”. In short all very serious and very little play.
But as I have grown I have started to realise the ‘seriousness’ that comes with growing up isn’t necessarily always the seriousness that needs to be there, and sometimes growing up could not only be a little bit more playful because it’s fun, but because that play actually helps us be more of the grown ups we want to be.
With this in mind here are my top five reasons to play!
One: Play is a way to practice
Nobody want’s to be a beginner, getting things wrong sucks. But actually being a beginner at things is a great way to expand our horizons, realise what we are capable of and grow as a person (maybe even taller into more of a grown up). This is where play helps out. Because when you play you let yourself not be good at things, play isn’t about perfection it is about giving it ago. Play doesn’t require winning or losing, (don’t forget playing and games aren’t the same thing). Play isn’t even about how you play, it is that you play which counts. You might even consider it a ‘moving mindfulness’ as you practice your way through life.
Two: Play is experimentation
Do you remember science lessons at school when you first got your hands on a Bunsen Burner and one of those funny shaped vase things that were actually for mixing chemicals? Yes, experiments, but also if we’re all honest, it felt a bit like play.
That said, I am not really talking about chemical experimentation here. I am talking about every kind of experiementation, even the ones that don’t have a control group or hypothesis to prove or disprove. Play is a gateway to experimenting with things. It allows us to pick things up and put them down as wilfully as a two year old at play group. Want to see what you can do with the giant red truck, wait the sand might be more interesting so let’s put that down and go over there.
Yes exactly. Playing is precisely this ease of movement between ideas. No fear of being a quitter, or looking indecisive, no fear of trying something new only to find it doesn’t work. Because you’re not aiming to achieve anything you’re just playing. And playing is a point in and of itself. Which I think makes it the ideal way to experiment. No expectations just watching and see what happens when you let yourself free on success constraints.
Three: Play allows us to be flexible
I bet right now you are imaging a twister mat or Limbo. But whilst those games are the best that’s not the sort of flexibility I am talking about.
The joy of the lightness and experimentation that comes with play is that it can be applied to ideas, viewpoints and perspectives. It means we can put down and pick up ideas in conversation, put ourselves in other people’s shoes literally or metaphorically – What ever floats your boat. Because play by definition is not about rigidity, it allows us to try on lots of different roles, views and ways of being. And when we try on a different perspective we might just surprise ourselves with what we find there.
Four: Play = silly
Simple equation, I am sure you will remember it. When we let ourselves play, often we let our ‘sillier’ side come out, the one that wants to do voices, or sing everywhere we go, who doesn’t move in the way we were taught to move as adults, but might just skip or jump or Sebastain Foucault free run around the world.
Silly is lightness, it is perspective it is being able to see the serious and also see the fun. It is a way to create positive energy and try on new and different ways of being.
Five: Play connects
Again, not talking about Connect 4, although that is a great game to play. Because play has an energy and fun to it, it attracts and connects with other people. Me messing around means, that you can mess around and maybe we can both message around together (this sounds like I am coming on to you, I am not, unless you are the specific man who I live with and then yes, yes I am). The real power I see in connection and play is that we can create a different type of space to embody together. One filled with possibilities. The kind of space where we can suspend ‘the rules’ and instead enter a playful space where imagination, experimentation and fun are the guiding feelings. When we are here we meet each other as different humans, not trapped in a certain way of being or doing, but safely experimenting and playing alongside each other. Inspiring each other with creation, holding each other, encouraging each other to go and find a new way of being, and ultimately realising we are in this together, because together we create spaces that we can safely play, and maybe find something new or better as a result.
My Favourite Birthday Rituals
It’s nearly my birthday and with every year the preoccupation of living a good life grows. I have so far zero answers, but a few ideas. One of which is that celebrating that we are alive is one of the best parts of living. Sometimes these celebrations are small and it is just recognising the beauty of a random sunrise, or a particularly delicious meal. But other times it’s your actual frickin birthday month and therefore time to celebrate on the day that you came into the world the wonderful fact that you did.
So with this in mind here are a few of my favourite birthday rituals
Write yourself a birthday letter - This is a practice of writing yourself something on your birthday to open on your next birthday. Do it every year and you will receive a card from yourself every year. I love this not only because I am always surprised at how I have changed and grown, but also by the nice things I say to myself when I am forced to write them down. This ritual is both perspective and warmth.
Capture your birthday in someway - Whether you record sounds from the day, capture a mini video, draw a few moments from your day. Make sure you spend a little bit of time capturing the beauty. To look back on but also to help you pay attention in the moment.
Do something Creative - I think adding in a creative act to your day some how is like a big thank you to the world for the fact that you were creative. This creative act can be anything - write, draw, sing, dance, paint, film - whatever it is play
Watch the Sunrise - Nothing beats the sunrise on your birthday and watching the world wake up on the day you were born might be one of life’s greatest treats. And if you have somewhere to go to watch it even better.
Have a Dance Party - It can just be you in your bedroom, but put on your favourite song and dance and sing like you are performing at your own Party.
Do some of your normal routine but make it special - Breakfast is one of my favourite things, that and going for coffee so I always try and make my birthday one even more special, maybe doing the same exact thing but some how just thinking about it as my birthday coffee makes it that little bit special.
Perform a Random Act of Kindness - Buy someone a coffee, do a food bank shop, send a love letter, let someone go first, hold the door open, pick up some litter. Whatever it is doing something nice for someone else always make life feel a little nicer and puts even more positive energy out into the world.
Give yourself a hug - And mean it. You’re frickin awesome and I am so glad you are alive. Well done you :)
A brief guide to coping with birthday’s over the age of 29
I don’t want to discriminate, and I know everyone’s experience is different but let’s face it everything up to 29 is fine. Your childhood birthdays are like magic, counting down the days to celebrate your day with all your friends and a lot of cake. And then you get to your 20’s and whilst there is some anxiety usually it is a chance to do pretty much the same thing you have always done.
And then you hit 29 and your life measure switches. And instead of getting excited about the advancing age it’s more like ‘fuck me I am in this race where apparently to win you need to be young, successful and have all of these things’. And not only do I not have the things, I am getting older… ergh. Running races which, you literally can’t win is not my thing.
So, fuck that race. Let’s approach birthdays differently.
Step one: Don’t panic. The first rule of growing up is not to Panic. Panic like all other emotions leads to wrinkles and we don’t want that.
Step Two: Employ a daily ritual of face massage to deal with wrinkles that you have from having far too many feelings about everything all of the time and also the panic that you did even though step one explicitly told you not to. But you’re a rebel so…
Step Three: Get the worlds definition of success and rip it up. Because you are a deep and well-rounded human that knows a Pinterest perfect life is not real, just social media.
Step Four: Now you need a new vision of success: decide to write your own. Even if nobody else agrees with it. Because despite your deep desire to be liked and validated by everyone, at the end of the day you know it’s what you think about you that counts.
Step Five: With your new measure of success in place – celebrate your wins (preferably with other people around you) and recognise that even though time is passing you are using at least some of it on things that matter to you
Step Six: Distract yourself from the inevitable anxiety that isn’t quite counteracted with all the steps above by doing fun things with people you love. Do that for as long as you want to, because no one else is the boss but you.
Step Seven: Make a cake, or eat a cake, share a cake with people you love, or just look at a cake. But the point is cake. All cake counts. But you’re a grown up now so you can choose for yourself (there you go you rebel 😉, I couldn’t be prouder).
10 Questions to ask that aren’t what do you do for a living?
Yep, I am officially stating that ‘what do you do for work’ is pretty much the most boring question you can ask someone (even if what they do for work is interesting). And i’ve decided we are definitely not boring grown ups, so let’s buck the trend. I flat out miss the days where the questions we asked were far more telling and far more inclusive a way to connect with people. Because chances our I don’t do the same job as you at all. And I have no clue what you are talking about. But your favourite colour? Which character from Recess you wanted to be? The song you would sing if forced to do Karaoke? There we have common ground.
So here we go people…
Five for fun
What’s your favourite colour - ( A classic)
What’s your favourite dinosaur
What animal would you be if you were an animal
What super power would you have
What would your superhero self be called (bonus points for outfit)
Five to prompt an interesting conversation:
Whats the last thing you read that you loved
What was your favourite game when you were a kid
You are trapped in a giant food - you have to eat your way out. What food would you pick? (yes to be clear this is very serious question)
In a movie of your life who plays you, and what is the opening credits music
And my favourite question ever - If music was going to die at midnight tomorrow and you get to choose three acts to perform at a special music festival beforehand who would you pick
Yes, 10 questions you might have already heard. But the real question is how often do you ask them? (Haha, I knew it! Probably about as often as I do). Let’s change that!
What’s the best question you have ever been asked?
A quick to-do list for days when you recognise the futility of life. Or, what some people like to call Tuesday morning
1. Do not panic, panicking is not what we need. It takes over the feeling of nothingness in quite a dramatic way and we are not here to be dramatic. The entire futility of life is a not a dramatic concept, keep a hold of yourself people, now is not the time for extremities.
2. Remind yourself of things you are grateful for; e.g, running water, Taylor Swifts Reputation album, the fact that you live on the top floor so the neighbours have to deal with your heavy footsteps and muffled crying sounds, not the other way around
3. Call someone you love, for example a parent or friend or someone but definitely not Susan from work. Although I guess she was excluded from the list when we said people you love. Nobody Loves Susan. (Soz Suse)
4. Start working on that script for that comedy show you have always wanted to write ‘Nobody Loves Susan’. Ignore all of the haters who think it will just be a female version of ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’. It is nothing like it. You don’t know that for sure as you have never watched ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’, but you are pretty sure it’s not a light comedic exploration of the challenges of work and familial relations in the modern-day world like ‘Nobody Loves Susan’ will be. And anyway, this is about Susan not you Raymond, so fuck off.
5. Make yourself a cup of coffee – Because apparently it helps with a dopamine release which is just what we need to get you through this. And most importantly everybody knows when you are in existential crisis you must drink coffee. You’ve seen enough Truffaut films during your arthouse movie, turtleneck wearing, address book owning phase to know how it goes.
6. Strike that don’t drink the coffee. That way maybe the French ennui can’t get to you.
7. Google the connection between ennui and coffee and vow to create some inspirational quote art for Instagram to share with your friends, to remind them how together you are, when they realise life has no meaning and need a pep talk from the completely together 100% successful friend.
8. Now you are rekindling your inner artist it’s time to rid yourself of distractions. Turn off your what’s app group notifications. Because you do not need an unsolicited baby picture from your ‘Brunch Babes’ group. Now, is not the time to question how you ended up in a group with ‘Babes’ in the title. That kind of where did my life go wrong thinking is not helpful. But whilst we are at it, when did the unsolicited dick pics get replaced with unsolicited Baby pics anyway? Actually, maybe that’s self-explanatory.
9. Remind yourself that some deep and seemingly unanswerable questions can in fact be answered (see dick pics/ babies above) and feel slightly reassured that you will solve the meaning of life one day, maybe. If you think hard enough about it that is. You could even leave ‘Brunch Babes’ and instead go for coffee in a more rustic looking hipster café with less smoked salmon and more expensive Batch Brew coffee from Guatemala. Either way probably try and dig out one of those old Turtlenecks they are sure to help.
10. Get out of bed and log on to your computer so it looks like you are active on the work slack channels. Do not feel the need to get dressed, you can just open some emails. This is what is referred to as ‘remote working’. Because opening mail in your PJ’s has now become a full-time job. And you might as well be earning money whilst you feel purposeless. Because maybe money is the meaning anyway?
11. Realise you must be in a bad dream because the stupid idea that money equalled success died a long time ago, way back in season three of Keeping Up with the Kardashians. Thanks to Goop and Tony Robbins we are now all awakened to the fact that the only form of success and meaning that matters is happiness. Everybody knows that the only bad thing we can do is let ourselves be sad. And now that you think of it, it’s nearly the full moon so that must be fucking with your sleep.
12. Roll back over reassured and repeat a mantra from the current self-help book you are reading (My thoughts create my reality, I am the giant within) and wait for the alarm to sound.
13. When it does, try not to panic (see point number one). Your oracle deck is just next to your bed and for sure it will have a card to explain everything…
Permission to be inconsistent
One of the shittest things about growing up is that you stop being able to just be and that be your identity and you start having to be the identity you have created for yourself. Consistently you, none of this phase bullshit, like that time you were super into 1950’s American culture and decided to consistently wear a bowling shirt until you didn’t. Or that moment where you were deeply interested in spirituality and Boho style and feng shui’d your room, started yoga, piled on bracelets and stuck magazine pictures on your wall.
No, now you have a style and that’s your style. You do a thing and that’s your thing. You behave in a certain way and that’s how you behave. No more changing accents for half a day or being into something and then not into something. Just plain old everyday same thing, same you, because people like consistency, they like to be able to know what they are getting from you. Work calls don’t tend to tolerate you changing your accent, deciding instead of working on that proposal you are actually going to research the deforestation of the amazon or make some finger puppets. Which I kind of get (This is the challenge of swapping money for time – there is way less finger puppet making).
But where does that leave us. Creative, interested, changeable humans trapped inside human brand boxes- where everything we do affirms our identity and everything we don’t do loses us followers on social media (which let’s face it is how we know we’re successful right?). And to be honest I am bored of it. So, I want to start a rebellion to consistency.
Or at least to the brand box.
Let’s be changeable and inspired. Let’s make more finger puppets, let’s turn up for yoga 5 weeks in a row and then miss it to go to try roller blading. Let’s Read things that don’t fit with our pretentious ‘I am educated and a writer’ persona and instead dive deep into confessions of a London spank daddy.
Because who we are to the world doesn’t need to be defined by choices we made at 13. It could be redefined every moment. Let’s choose to be consistently in support of ourselves and others. Consistently curious. And maybe consistently brush our teeth – because that one is important.
But most other things well, maybe consistency isn’t everything. And yes, maybe we won’t become brand successes, influencers, or get to become ‘the sleep guy’ or ‘the boundaries lady’. But maybe we get to become more of ourselves and enjoy life a little bit more, which I think might be the point.
10 Strangers & Yes
A few weeks I walked into a room in a random apartment block in a slightly rundown part of Raval (the dodgier part of the city). With florescent light, fake wood floors, and long windows that were covered by the darkness that had descended outside. And for two whole hours, I played, in a way I haven’t for a long time.
Together with 9 other Improv theatre newbies, I spent the evening learning the basics of improv theatre. Playing games, answering questions, saying the first thing that popped into my head and most importantly saying yes to everything.
I was for the first time in a long time in a room where wrong and right didn’t exist. Only simple positive acceptance of everything that was presented and everything that was.
There is something around being stupid for now reason with 9 strangers that got me thinking about where I am afraid to play and the role that getting it wrong plays in that.
I questioned, if I could play there so repeatedly with lots of people around me, then why could I not play more in arguably more comfortable familiar areas of my life. Why was the fear of getting it wrong stopping me from trying new approaches to writing, wearing the thing that felt good rather than was just what I always wore? Stopping to capture an idea or play around with a thought rather than walking past thinking that would have been fun.
And I have hit on two core elements:
Being a beginner – when you are a beginner you are supposed to get things wrong, it is part and parcel of it. That’s how you learn. Which sort of mitigates wrong as it makes it right.
Acceptance and celebration are the only options – You switch off your judgement of whether something is wrong or right and instead you greet the thing you have been given and do something with that. And even better at the end you don’t judge it as wrong or right, just observe how easy it was, whether it flowed and ultimately how fun it felt.
With both of these wrong doesn’t exist. Observation yet, even judgement perhaps – feedback is important. But the classification of that as wrong doesn’t. And it got me thinking if that space can exist in a room with random other people consistently week after week, then it was something that could and can be cultivated in other areas. If only in the agreement with yourself that wrong doesn’t really help you.
I think it is not a question of switching wrong on and off, but instead the practice of shifting into a world with different rules. So instead of everything always having to binary sometimes things can be exploratory. Because wrong serves a purpose every now and then but life isn’t about getting it wrong or right after all, but instead maybe about building more experiences.
Not sure of the answer but for now I am going to say Yes and.
The case of Curiosity and The Cat
As I start the year with a head full of questions, I wonder why it is that they get such a bad rep.
The world is full of unanswered questions but perhaps even more so with unasked questions. Those ones we are scared to touch because we all know we don’t want to hear the answer and somethings (a lot of things) are better left alone.
But where did this idea come from? Because If we are scared of asking questions, and instead choose to forget our childhood curiosity making way for adult ‘knowing’ then what happens when we don’t actually know?
I’ve decided Curiosity has a bad rep, and it all comes down to that damn accusation about it and The Cat.
So today I want to smash the case wide open. Did Curiosity really kill The Cat? Or given the inadequate forensic science at the time did Curiosity take the fall for someone and was in fact nothing to do with fate of the poor Cat?
Stories matter. They are the cautionary tale, or the inspiring one. They remind us of what is ok and not ok. So, if we want to change the world, we need to change the story.
Ok, ok so maybe we are not thinking that big. World changing is a lot for a Friday. But maybe we could change the world for curiosity who has wrongfully been under house arrest this whole time.
People of the Jury I present to you the case of Curiosity and The Cat…
This whole time Curiosity has been painted as some sort of dangerous thing, when in fact it has been behind some of the greatest aspects of human experience.
Exhibit A
Without Curiosity we would not have great works of art; imagine a world without Romeo and Juliet, the Mona Lisa, Toy Story 2. It’s not worth thinking about is it.
Exhibit B
Or what about scientific breakthrough, without Curiosity we wouldn’t have the Hadron Collider, a cure for Polio or even Ice Cream (now you are getting really worried, right).
Exhibit C
Not to mention Curiosity is the gateway to healing and reconciliation. Without open curious conversations we wouldn’t have moved beyond apartheids, broken communities or deep prejudices.
So, you tell me? Bad? Or simply bad timing? Because those examples sound to me like the work of some kind of superhero rather than a villain.
So, what if the dangerous thing wasn’t Curiosity but in fact the absence of it?
Curiosity is only dangerous If you like the status quo, and I don’t know about you, but I stopped listening to that band years ago.
Which makes me question… Have we got it wrong all of these years?
The story seems very convenient to me. Did anyone ever do their research on this so called ‘The Cat’ or its owner for that matter? The body was never found… And we don’t know who inherited The Cat’s estate when he died. So, I ask you, who had to benefit from The Cat’s death? Certainly not Curiosity. No. Which leads me to two hypothesis:
The Cats owner (who for legal reasons we will call Terry) and Status Quo realising the potential power of Curiosity to change the world, built a plot to sully its name, and The Cat was just collateral damage.
Terry, not the sharpest knife in the draw, gave The Cat some cat food with nuts in, without realising that The Cat had a nut allergy. And so, whilst The Cat was rooting around in the garden, like cats do, it died. Of a nut allergy. Thereby looking like Curiosity had killed it when in fact it was a nut.
Both of these seem far more likely to me than Curiosity wilfully having it out for The Cat. Which is why I am petitioning that it is time we free Curiosity from house arrest and start letting it back into our everyday lives.
Curiosity is a pretty valuable thing to the world. And not just because of artistic creation, scientific discovery and some much-needed healing resolution. But for the everyday value that it can offer to us as individuals.
I know I am biased, I overthink and over question, so of course I am looking to validate my own bad habits. And as Curiosities unofficial legal aid I’ve clearly taken a side. BUT, (and that’s a big but – you can see because I wrote it in capitals) I do think that Curiosity and asking questions is what helps us grow. It’s what helps us keep an open mind to what is in front of us, to connect better with people and allow for different opinions. To ultimately allow the world to be as it is.
It means we can move from asking ‘WHY ME?!” in a rhetorical state of despair on a Tuesday morning – Like this 👇
To asking the same thing with our friend Curiosity and find out something new. Like this 👇
Instead of being scared of the questions, we become empowered by them.
Any question asked with grace is a possibility for change. For newness.
So, if we can get beyond getting scared of the answer (the one we already know by the way), we might find it isn’t the monster we thought it was. Curiosity is not hiding under the bed waiting to get us just like it did The Cat. It is actually a pretty good ally for us. And also by the way for The Cat. Who, between you and me, with the help of Curiosity, actually found its way into an alternate universe (The one that didn’t get Covid).
Which might just mean that Curiosity didn’t Kill The Cat. Instead it saved it.
People of the Jury I rest my case.
I will leave it in your competent hands to decide;
Curiosity killed The Cat
The Cat was killed by Status Quo & the Owner
The Cat died of a nut allergy
Curiosity saved The Cat who is now enjoying 2022 in a non Covid parallel universe.
Wednesday Morning Adulting Truths
Wednesday should feel good but often I am too tired to imagine 2 more days of working and I would quite like a nap
Plants are hard to look after. However easy other people make it look this is a universal truth
Change is always happening, always. Which means everything you decide to do or go for in your life is only a best guess. This is scary as shit, and wonderfully freeing
There will always be things to do, that is a good thing. You don’t want to be done, not yet at least.
We don’t know very much, barely anything actually. That’s ok. The fun is figuring it out
Naps always make the day better
You will never regret taking a dance break
Bills are so much better paid the moment you receive them
Your habits matter, as do the things you say to yourself
Lists of 10 things are so much more satisfying than 9. Usually one of the things on the list is bogus, but we like numbers anyway so we allow it.
Life would be better if we could commute to work on tricycles.
How do you look after yourself?
The joy of being a kid is that you get to outsource the decision making and caretaker decisions of your life to someone else. Sometimes this can be annoying but when you think about it, it’s actually quite nice to not have to think about any of these things yourself.
I realise now as a responsible adult looking after yourself is a far more complex idea than I originally thought.
First up you have to think about maslows basic hierarchy but within that deciding what to eat, when to sleep, when to exercise, how much of all of these things you need is a complex question in and of itself.
This thought struck me the other day as I was feeling guilty about some job or other that I hadn’t done and I realised that if we are being really honest I wasn’t being a very good boss or parent to myself. I needed to rest, but I needed the adult part of me to put the tantruming child part of me to bed. Confusing right.
When it comes to growing up figuring out how to look after ourselves isn’t one of the biggest challenges we have. When we have all the choice what is the right choice for us. Where should our boundaries be when we are the adult that has to put them in? Where are we protecting ourselves when were the adult that has to decide that one more sugary drink is going to send us over the edge.
In short I don’t have any answers but I do know that the more I think about the question the more and more I get clearer on how to look after myself even if it’s just realising that now that is my responsibility in the first place.
Which of course is where it all starts.
The scratched knees of Adult-hood
Were you one of those kids that always had a scab on your knee? I was. Clumsy. – yes, curious – yes, naturally good bike rider – hmmm… You get the picture.
Scabby knees were a fundamental part of growing up for me. The slightly ugly scars of having tried. The thing about scabbed and scratched knees is that you could see the damage and know you were hurt, rest and get up again and try again.
As a grown up the metaphorical scabbed and scratched knees are invisible, painful as fuck – for sure, but actually visible? Very rarely. And when we don’t see something I wonder if we really allow for its existence? I think we carry on. Or we don’t carry on but either way, we forget that the fall even happened.
Which is why things feel harder, because we forget they should feel hard, that we just got up after a fall and got on with life, scratched knees and all.
So when things feel hard, don’t forget that falling can be painful, but the scabs you earn in your experience are marks of your resilience and ability to try again. So even if they are invisible, don’t forget they are there and you have grown from getting them.
You are not the finished product
There is this idea that we should be shiny, and finished. Like we can hold up ourselves or our lives and say ‘ta dah’ look what I have created.
Hopefully our mum puts it on the fridge or a teacher puts a gold star on it. Success, happiness. Probably cookies.
But I want to remind you (and mostly me) that you are not a finished product, or a ta dah and you shouldn’t be. Why? Because finished is well finished and we have a lot more of this life to change and grow in. You have a lot more up to get.
So when you look at other people or think and wish for the moment when you can put your work up on the fridge and congratulate yourself for ‘having made it’. ‘being successful’, having your ‘ta dah’ moment. Just remember that the point is to not be finished, because you always want to have more to discover, do, find and create.
It’s easy to look around a the shiny finished products of the world and think we should be exactly like that. So much so that people become influencers just to do that.
But the point is of life is in the figuring out, the joy is in the doing, it is in the mess. And the reality of what you could achieve If you stopped trying to be the finished product and started trying to figure it out would be far far greater.
So today let’s chose to be unfinished and whole anyway. To embrace the messiness of figuring it out and remind each other that success is not waiting to be shiny, but it is what you find as you work to get there.
You are not the finished product and you are not supposed to be. So embrace the journey of getting there. That after all is all we have.
Do I have to?
They say we have multiple intelligences. Our mind, heart, gut, etc. the list goes on. I am sure personally I have a cookie intelligence as well. But that is by the by. The point is sometimes we just know things, sometimes we have instincts and sometimes we have feelings about things in a certain way.
They say we have multiple intelligences. Our mind, heart, gut, etc. the list goes on. I am sure personally I have a cookie intelligence as well. But that is by the by. The point is Sometimes we just know things, sometimes we have instincts and sometimes we have feelings about things in a certain way.
The challenge I keep arriving back at is how much do we following our feelings, trust our gut, not do the thing that we don’t feel like doing etc. And how much do we carry on and do it anyway because it was planned or it is on our list or our mind thinks it’s the right thing to do.
When your feelings and your brain are arguing who do you follow?
I think this is a fundamental growing up question. When we are children we don’t need to spend so much time figuring out what we want to do, we do the thing we want to do unless we are told not to and we don’t do the things we don’t feel like doing unless we are yet again told ( or maybe even forced to).
Sometimes we should ignore our feelings about soup and eat the soup (overall it is taking us closer to where we probably want to be. – healthy, tall, grown up etc.), But sometimes our feelings are a useful indicator for not doing something, for changing tact, for not forcing but allowing instead.
The question is how do you know what and when?
I do not have the answer to this, but I currently have a working theory. Which goes as follows.
Be clear on overall what you want (what feels good, what lights you up, what excites you, what enables passion in you)
If you are planning anything and it doesn’t give you joy when you are planning it – cancel it, or don’t do it.
If you arrive at the moment of the thing you planned and don’t feel like it – do it anyway (Unless you are super tired) because you at some point felt really good about doing that thing (aka. Getting up to watch the sunrise – energising idea at 10pm less so at 6.30am – but overall sunrise = joy).
This way we start to get familiar and listen to what we really want the bigger things, the consistent feelings, the life we are trying to create. And hopefully plan less or stop forcing things that don’t feel right. But also recognising the trade-off between the slightly longer term and the immediate.
As I said it’s a working theory. And I have a feeling that I would love to spend a week just trying to do whatever I felt like in the moment and see where I got to. Who knows, maybe this week could be the week.
Just try a different door
I have spent most of my life afraid of No. It is a word we hear young, repeatedly. We learn it is to be avoided. No usually means some transgression of boundaries something we might get in trouble for. Something gone wrong. We crave yes, we work for yes, so much so “No” becomes very hard to hear. So when it comes about it usually leaves us with a sharp sting and the thought that we never should have asked or tried in the first place.
But what if there was a different reading of this situation. What is No wasn’t rejection but redirection. As a result not something to push through or fear, but even more clarity on where is next. Asking the question if anything helps us orientate ourselves a little easier.
Whether you believe the things that are meant for you will come or not, other people can believe something is for you or not and say yes or no to you. The decision is always yours to figure out what you do with it, the best advice I heard is just go and knock on a different door.
Why is this a game changer for me?
Because it brings a lightness to no. It turns no from the worst thing in the world to just a piece of navigation. Which is of course where we end up. Redirected to something new. Who knows what would have been if the No had been a Yes, to be honest it’s not worth thinking about. But what is worth thinking about are all the things that could have been if you hadn’t been scared to hear no.
Because the greatest sadness is not a no, but a request we are too scared to make.
Don’t quit asking, just try a different door.
Embracing the mess
There is this wonderful moment when my house (flat) is newly cleaned and I feel for a moment like I am living in a paradise. I sort of inch around it cleaning up after myself trying to hold on to that newly cleaned feeling for as long as possible.
What inevitably happens after a day or even a few hours is something spills or I drop something or do something and the cleanliness ebbs away. I am usually desperate for that moment not to come, but I know actually that after a while I don’t notice anymore and actually the house (flat) becomes that little bit cosier.
Which got me thinking about life in general. And how we like the idea of things looking perfect, but actually the mess is life, it is living and when we are not so worried about how things look and instead focus on how things feel. That’s when the magic can start.
I am hoping that today I can embrace the mess a little bit more. The mess of not knowing, of making ‘interesting’ decisions, in uncomfortable emotions, and breadcrumbs. And see it as all part of living. Rather than something wrong or out of place. Just the messiness that makes things interesting and allows me some room to play.
How about you? Ready to embrace the mess?
Painting by numbers; a new approach to adulting
Do you remember painting by numbers? Those beautiful workbooks where you could just sit and paint, in the boxes in exactly the way they told you to and then end up with something wonderful?
I have decided that paint by numbers is the ideal metaphor for grown up life. Firstly it is what most of us think life is – do this, in that way and you get a beautiful picture. But what you forget in the doing is that you are expecting to see the whole picture and at some points you are just painting in all the green bits and don’t know how it’s going to look yet. The problem is you trust the paint by numbers to give you a beautiful picture in the end. And you don’t yet trust yourself to do the same thing.
Which is what got me thinking. Life is both as simple and definitely not as simple as a paint by numbers. Most things have a cause and effect, most things can be created if we believe we can create them. And most things have a certain sequence to them. But at the same time, it is unpredictable, we have no numbers to follow step by step and no assurance it will turn into the beautiful Monet style Lilly pad that we saw on the box. Which leaves us back at square one? Or does it…
Here is my thinking, what if we decided to embrace not seeing the whole picture clearly, but instead embraced the idea of painting all the number ones – maybe the number we need to define for ourselves so when we pick up our paint brush we didn’t need to do the work of deciding every time we can just paint. And maybe every now and then look up and see if it looks right and feels right and if not course correct. Pick up number 2 and try and different colour for a while until we have the balance.
Which is I think the secret. Finding the focus of the small numbers everyday – doing the work that fills it in and also checking every now and then are you heading in the right direction. Both the small view and the big. Of course, it doesn’t promise you a perfect picture. But it gives you the chance to create something and then try again. This I think is the joy of growing up, there is not one chance, there are many consistently over and over again. We just need to recognise that everything counts, but it doesn’t all need to be great. Being is enough. And once we embrace this, being ok with the season we are in. Is it the time to set up some clear boundaries and follow things step by step or the time to step away and look at the whole picture and readjust?
In theory easy, in practice, well let’s face it, a bit of a shit show. But hey, if we need some practice we can always try a real paint by numbers and see where we end up!